The Widows Dilemma
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 17 seconds
George Bernard Shaw‘s The Doctor’s Dilemma is a play about the moral dilemmas created by limited medical resources and the conflicts between the demands of private medicine as a business and a vocation.
When I first read the play in college, it resonated with me about the choices and options we face at times of crisis.
As widows, we face a dilemma as soon as our loved one dies.
The choice is as stark as those in The Doctor’s Dilemma.
Is there death as traumatic as the lives we must live without them?
How long can we cry?
Do we mourn forever or continue to live?
While she was home for hospice, I accepted that I would need to continue to live. The option of grieving uncontrollably was never an option.
By choosing life, I have been able to help others, both widows and non-widows. I read, write, walk and share Jan’s love every day.
I will always miss Jan, and I know she will be with me now and forever, but her death is far more consequential than my life as a widow.
Our love will never die.
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While driving there, I listened to an episode of This American Life on WNYC called "Road Trip in a Tuxedo," featuring an interview with the late George Burns conducted by Margy Rochlin.
During the interview portion, I heard George talk about the loss of his wife, Gracie. I was struck by his question about how long someone can cry. Since Jan's death, I've shed many tears, but I know that crying won't bring her back. Jan and I had a wonderful life together, but hers ended too soon.
Now, instead of dwelling on my sadness, I'm trying to reinvent myself. I walk to clear my head and write about Jan to keep her memory alive. I also read a lot, hoping to find guidance for my journey. But I still need to figure out exactly who I will become. All I can do is walk with Jan's spirit beside me and move forward.
