One Step at a Time

One Step at Time, I’m Gonna Get Through This!

Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 55 seconds

Niagara FallsWhen we begin June, it will be the thirteenth month since Jan, the love of my life, died.

It remains difficult to believe that I have lived alone for so long.

I remain lonely and melancholy as much as I have managed the Activities of Daily Living Alone.

When I am at my lowest, I remind myself of the Jordin Sparks lyrics for One Step At a Time.

One step at a time
There’s no need to rush
It’s like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It’s gonna happen when it’s
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

Just as I did not rush falling in love with Jan, I cannot and will not rush my grief journey.

I will take it one step at a time with Jan beside me.


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The Jackal's Mistress

Read: March 2025

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The Jackal’s Mistress

by Chris Bohjalian

Today, I dove into “The Jackal’s Mistress” by Chris Bohjalian, a gripping Civil War love story inspired by a true friendship that defied the odds. It follows the wife of a missing Confederate soldier as she stumbles upon a wounded Yankee officer. With the battlefield’s tension looming, she faces a heart-wrenching choice: How much is she willing to risk for the life of a stranger?

Written by a New York Times bestselling author renowned for captivating historical novels like “Hour of the Witch” and “The Sandcastle Girls,” this tale promises an unforgettable journey of love and sacrifice.

Virginia, 1864—Libby Steadman’s husband has been away so long that she can barely remember his voice in her dreams. While she longs for him at night, fearing he is dead in a Union prison camp, her days are spent running a gristmill with her teenage niece, a hired hand, and his wife. The Confederate Army requisitions all the grain they produce. It’s a precarious life in the Shenandoah Valley, a region that frequently changes hands, with control shifting back and forth between North and South. Libby wakes each morning expecting to see her land transformed into a battlefield.

Then, Libby discovers a gravely injured Union officer left for dead in a neighbor’s house, his hand and leg bones shattered. Captain Jonathan Weybridge of the Vermont Brigade is her enemy, but he is also in dire need. Libby faces a terrible decision: should she leave him to die alone, or should she risk treason and try to nurse him back to health? If she succeeds, will she attempt to secretly bring him across Union lines in hopes of negotiating a trade for news about her husband?

The Jackal’s Mistress” is a vivid and sweeping story of two people navigating the boundaries of love and humanity amid a backdrop of brutal violence. This heart-stopping novel is based on a largely unknown piece of American history and showcases one of our greatest storytellers.


Chris Bohjalian is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of twenty-five books, including “The Princess of Las Vegas,” “The Lioness,” “Hour of the Witch,” “Midwives,” and “The Flight Attendant,” which has been adapted into a limited series on Max starring Kaley Cuoco.

His other notable works include “The Red Lotus,” “The Guest Room,” “Close Your Eyes, Hold Hands,” “The Sandcastle Girls,” “Skeletons at the Feast,” and “The Double Bind.” Several of his novels, including “Secrets of Eden,” “Midwives,” and “Past the Bleachers,” have been adapted into movies. Bohjalian’s works have been translated into more than thirty-five languages. In addition to writing novels, he is also a playwright, with works such as “The Club,” “Wingspan,” and “Midwives.

He resides in Vermont and can be found online at chrisbohjalian.com and on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, Litsy, and Goodreads.



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Summer a Novel

Read: October 2021

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Summer: A Novel

by Ali Smith

Summer: A Novel by Ali Smith is a fascinating book about the times in which we live.

In the present, Sacha knows the world’s in trouble. Her brother Robert just is trouble. Their mother and father are having trouble. Meanwhile the world’s in meltdown – and the real meltdown hasn’t even started yet.

In the past, a lovely summer. A different brother and sister know they’re living on borrowed time.

This is a story about people on the brink of change.

They’re family, but they think they’re strangers.

So: where does family begin? And what do people who think they’ve got nothing in common have in common?

Summer.

Because of the two different periods and the multiple characters, I had some difficulty following the plot until about halfway to the end. Suddenly it all fit together and made sense.

The book revealed information about the internments during World War II in England that I had not fully comprehended.

Sacha’s focus on the environmental degradation augmented by the COVID pandemic provided an emotional undertow in the book.

I now must begin to read the other three novels in this Seasonal Quartet.

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The Slip

Read: December 2025

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The Slip: A Novel

by Lucas Schaefer

The Slip” is the debut novel by Lucas Schaefer, telling a compelling American story about a missing teenage boy, themes of fluid and mistaken identity, and the transformative power of boxing. Navigating the ever-changing landscape of a shifting country, “The Slip” offers an audacious and daring exploration of sex and race in America. The narrative builds to an unforgettable climax in the center of the ring.

This novel is the winner of the Kirkus Prize for 2025  and one of The New York Times Book Review’s 100 Notable Books of 2025, as well as one of The Washington Post’s 10 Best Books of 2025.

Austin, Texas: It’s the summer of 1998, and there’s a new face on the scene at Terry Tucker’s Boxing Gym. Sixteen-year-old Nathaniel Rothstein has never felt comfortable in his own skin, but under the tutelage of a swaggering, Haitian-born ex-fighter named David Dalice, he begins to come into his own. Even the boy’s slightly stoned uncle, Bob Alexander, who is supposed to be watching him for the summer, notices the change. Nathaniel is happier, more confident, and even tanner. Then one night, he vanishes, leaving little trace behind.

Across the city, Charles Rex, now going simply by “X,” has been undergoing a teenage transformation of his own, trolling the phone sex hotline that his mother works, seeking an outlet for everything that feels wrong about his body, looking for intimacy and acceptance in a culture that denies him both. As a surprising and unlikely romance blooms, X feels, for a moment, like he might have found the safety he’s been searching for. But it’s never that simple.

More than a decade later, Nathaniel’s uncle Bob receives a shocking tip, propelling him to open his own investigation into his nephew’s disappearance. The resulting search involves gymgoers past and present, including a down-on-his-luck twin and his opportunistic brother; a rookie cop determined to prove herself; and Alexis Cepeda, a promising lightweight who crossed the US-Mexico border when he was only fourteen, carrying a license bearing the wrong name and face.


Lucas Schaefer lives with his family in Austin. The Slip is his first novel.



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Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

Read: January 2024

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Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel

by Kate Christensen

Today, I began reading “Welcome Home, Stranger: A Novel” by Kate Christensen. The book tells the story of a woman in her fifties who returns home to Maine after her mother’s passing. The novel explores themes of grief, love, growing older, and family complexities. It raises the question: Can you ever honestly go back home?

Rachel is an environmental journalist living in Washington, DC. She has been estranged from her working-class family in New England for many years. Having gone through a divorce and being childless in her middle age, Rachel is a truly independent spirit who has experienced a lot of pain. She feels like her life is falling apart and is struggling to cope with big and small challenges. However, her life takes a different turn when she gets a call to return home for her mother’s funeral.

Then, everything falls apart.

Rachel is surrounded by a cast of characters who are sometimes comical, sometimes heartbreakingly earnest. Her sister is an arriviste, her brother-in-law is an alcoholic, and the love of her life has recently married her sister’s best friend. Rachel must face her past and come to terms with the sorrow she has long buried. She must also confront the ghost of her mother, who, for better or worse, made her the woman she is today.

Lively, witty, and painfully familiar, this sophisticated and emotionally resonant novel from the author of The Great Man holds a mirror up to modern life as it considers the way some of us must carry on now.


The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Jack: A Novel

Read: March 2022

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Jack: A Novel

by Marilynne Robinson

Jack: A Novel by Marilynne Robinson is the second book in this series I have read. Previously I read,  Home, and now I have read the fourth. Without Jan by my side, I read more but not always in order. Fortunately, Jack appears in Home at a later point than is covered in this novel. That provided an understanding of the next phase of Jack and Della’s relationship.

I very much enjoyed reading this novel. Although Jan and I fell in love without all of the complexities of this couple, there were enough similarities that reminded me of how special our love was and remains. For example, our long conversations, many of which were while we walked, are reminiscent of the novel.

I highly recommend this novel. One of the reviews suggested that the next volume should be about Della. I will read that book before the ink drys.

Goodreads provides an overview.

In this book, Robinson tells the story of John Ames Boughton, the prodigal son of Gilead’s Presbyterian minister, and his romance with Della Miles, a high school teacher who is also the child of a preacher. They’re deeply felt, tormented, star-crossed interracial romance resonates with all the paradoxes of American life, then and now.

Marilynne Robinson’s mythical world of Gilead, Iowa—the setting of her novels Gilead, Home, and Lila, and now Jack—and its beloved characters have illuminated and interrogated the complexities of American history, the power of our emotions, and the wonders of a sacred world.

Robinson’s Gilead novels, which have won one Pulitzer Prize and two National Book Critics Circle Awards, are vital to contemporary American literature and a revelation of our national character and humanity.

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God Shot

Read: December 2021

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God Shot by Chelsea Bieker

by Chelsea Bieker

God Shot by Chelsea Bieker, one of NPR’s Books We Love from 2020, is about the town of Peaches, California, where drought has settled in for the long term. The area of the Central Valley where fourteen-year-old Lacey May and her alcoholic mother live was once an agricultural paradise. Now it’s an environmental disaster, a place of cracked earth and barren raisin farms.

In their desperation, residents have turned to a cult leader named Pastor Vern for guidance. Everybody is praying for survival through secret “assignments” to bring the rain.

God Shot is an enjoyable read. However, I first found it challenging to accept Pastor Vern’s assignments, especially to Lacey May and her fellow teenage girls. Would people believe in a cult leader and get “assignments” that involve women fully accepting male domination in the twenty-first century? When I had doubts, I would wake up, listen to the news, or read the papers and discover that it is plausible and does happen in our world.

After being god-shot, Lacey May becomes one day at a time feminist as she has to rely on herself and other women who do not accept Pastor Vern’s divine leadership. Slowly but surely, she and her friends find a miracle to help them escape not only the environmental disaster caused by the drought but the moral depravity of Pastor Vern.

Goodreads provides this overview of the God Shot.

Lacey has no reason to doubt the pastor. But then her life explodes in a single unimaginable act of abandonment: her mother, exiled from the community for her sins, leaves Lacey and runs off with a man she barely knows. Abandoned and distraught, Lacey May moves in with her widowed grandma, Cherry, who is more concerned with her taxidermy mouse collection than her own granddaughter. As Lacey May endures the increasingly appalling acts of men who want to write all the rules and begins to uncover the full extent of Pastor Vern’s shocking plan to bring fertility back to the land, she decides she must go on a quest to find her mother no matter what it takes. With her only guidance coming from the romance novels she reads and the unlikely companionship of the women who knew her mother, she must find her own way through unthinkable circumstances.

Possessed of an unstoppable plot and a brilliantly soulful voice, Godshot is a book of grit, humor, and heart, a debut novel about female friendship and resilience, mother loss and motherhood, and seeking salvation in unexpected places. It introduces a writer who gives Flannery O’Connor’s Gothic parables a Californian twist and who emerges with a miracle that is all her own.

I recommend this novel without reservations!

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