Mental Health and Grief
Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 42 seconds
Although I have always felt Jan’s death impacted my mental health, I have never been in a crisis.
Julie Halpert’s article in The New York Times, “How to Help a Loved One Through Sudden Loss,” was a reminder of the multiple risks and of how we can help each other.
Jan’s death was only a sudden loss if hearing that she only has weeks to live meets the definition of sudden.
But the impacts on my mental health were clear, and it altered my support network drastically.
Grieving is difficult. Because Jan’s will never die, my grief is manageable.
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April 2, 2021
Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 42 secondsMy mental health was at risk on April 2, 2021. Jan had been home for four days, and I could not assist her in getting to the bathroom. Mike and Elyssa came by in the morning, and we reached out to the visiting nurse.
The nurse took Jan’s blood pressure, and it was 70 over 40, and her temperature over 100.
Consulting with Dr. Strair, we agreed the only option was to take Jan by ambulance to Overlook Hospital. “Make sure you read her advance directive; you may need to use it,” he said.
My heart stopped beating. Would I lose Jan without a chance for one last kiss?
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Emergency Surgery
Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 42 secondsMike drove me to the hospital, but I could not stay with Jan due to the COVID diagnosis. I asked Mike to call family and critical friends, and I called Rabbi Renee the drive home. I sleepwalked back to my car.
My Rabbi reassured me, but the thought of losing Jan made the journey home a frightening drive.
By midnight the triage nurse called to tell me that a CAT scan had determined that she had a life-threatening infection in her kidneys backing up fluid. Had Jan not been hospitalized, it would have been fatal.
I approved emergency surgery to insert a stent in her kidney to drain the fluid. The surgery was successful.
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She Was OK Until She Wasn't
Estimated reading time: 0 minutes, 42 secondsFriday night, I barely slept. The night before had been sleepless. But I knew my wife was still alive.
When I arrived at the hospital and walked into her room, I was welcomed by Jan’s smiling face. She was alive and healthy. She asked for her iPhone, and it rang as I handed it to her. It was our oldest son, Jon. She told him not to when he said he was about to fly to see her. “I will be OK,” she said.
When I left her, I was sure she would be OK. Four days later, Jan’s doctors told her there was nothing more than they could do for her.
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