Counting My Days Without Jan!
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 40 seconds
Today’s sunrise broke between the clouds, and the rays of yellow light flickered across my head.
My walk was shorter because I had several scheduled meetings and tasks.
I did not realize the significance of the month’s third day until I arrived in Totowa for my first meeting.
After parking Jan’s Prius, like the sunrise that commended my day, I realized that today was another birthday for Wes and one more month of my life without Jan.
My mind has not aged well, but my only choice was to do mental math.
If Wes is eight months old and was born fourteen months after Jan died, then the answer to how long I have lived without Jan is twenty-two months.
It is not that I am no longer in love with Jan or have forgotten how long it has been since she died.
No, it is neither of those answers. If anything, I love Jan more now than ever.
Instead, my grief is in the rearview mirror, and I choose to live life fully with Jan in my heart and soul.
Jan’s undying love has helped me to become a better person and helped me in mensh-in-training courses.
When I walk in Jan’s memorial garden in Hanson Park, I can her whispering her words of wisdom.
Richard, you are capable and strong, and I believe in you.
I might forget the days since Jan died, but I will never forget her or her transformative love.
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
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A year ago, I felt I had completed the most challenging twelve months in my lifetime.
As the minute hand ticks inevitably toward 2022's denouement, the hardships I carried a year ago have been subordinated but not eliminated.
I believe my grief journey is in my rearview mirror, but can humans demarcate such a dramatic change?
If I have stopped mourning Jan, it is because of my family, friends, and faith.
The year's highlights were Celebrate Jan Day and welcoming my grandson Wes into the world.
