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Being the Change I Need

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 16 seconds
Being the Change I Need

I Am an Ordinary and Flawed Human

As individuals, we possess limitations and imperfections inherent to our nature. Pursuing perfection is unattainable, but it is essential to recognize our shortcomings, take responsibility for our mistakes, and continuously strive to improve ourselves. I have, at times, failed to offer words of sympathy to those who have experienced loss, missed the opportunity to attend Shiva calls, unintentionally overlooked the chance to wish my friends a happy birthday, and regrettably neglected to express gratitude for the unwavering support I have received from loved ones.

Broken but Resilient

If I were to attempt to enumerate all of the misguided decisions and flawed actions that I have taken since my beloved wife passed away, the resulting catalog would stretch up to the highest point of the newly built New World Trade Center numerous times over. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to divulge the one misstep that stands out as among the most egregious and unpleasant.

In the previous year, I had the chance to meet someone very special to me. They brought me immense joy and happiness, and I treasured them deeply. After my wife’s passing, it was as if this person had breathed new life into me. However, something happened that made me question their love for me. Instead of responding with understanding and compassion, I reacted with anger. I know I cannot change what happened. I can take responsibility for my shortcomings and work towards making amends. Although I have not succeeded, I am committed to acknowledging my mistakes, offering sincere apologies, and taking steps to rectify my flawed actions.

Change is Not Easy, But is Necessary

We are all unique in our strengths and weaknesses. These flaws are a part of what makes us human. However, we can learn and grow to surpass our limitations and become the best versions of ourselves.

Finding Who I Am After Jan

The loss of a loved one can be devastating, and it can be a struggle to find the motivation to continue living. As someone who has experienced this loss, I know firsthand how difficult it can be. But I have been working on myself daily, determined to evolve and become a better person.

My family, friends like Hugo, and fellow widows have supported me. They challenge me and provide honest feedback on my positive and negative progress. Only through honest reflection and constructive criticism can we truly transform ourselves.

If I have ever hurt anyone unintentionally, I want to make amends and grow. However, I know that I will always be a work in progress.

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Three Days in June

Read: February 2025

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Three Days in June

by Anne Tyler

Today, I dove into the enchanting world of “Three Days in June” by Anne Tyler, a novel that promises to become an instant classic. It beautifully captures the experience of a socially awkward mother-of-the-bride as she navigates the whirlwind of emotions before and after her daughter’s wedding. After shuffling through the frosty morning air on my walk, wrapping myself in the warmth of Tyler‘s words about three sun-soaked days in June felt like the perfect escape. What a delightful contrast!

Gail Baines is having a bad day. First, she loses her job—or quits, depending on whom you ask. Tomorrow, her daughter, Debbie, is getting married, and she hasn’t even been invited to the spa day organized by the groom’s mother. Then, Gail’s ex-husband, Max, arrives unannounced on her doorstep, carrying a cat, without a place to stay or even a suit.

However, the crisis occurs when Debbie shares a secret she has just learned about her husband-to-be with her parents. This will not only throw the wedding into question but also stir up Gail and Max’s past.

Told with deep sensitivity and a tart sense of humor and full of the joys and heartbreaks of love, marriage, and family life, “Three Days in June” is a triumph and shows the perennially bestselling, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer at the height of her powers.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

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Fair Play

Read: June 2025

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Fair Play: A Novel

by Louise Hegarty

“Fair Play” by Louise Hegarty is a captivating and playful novel that is both insightful and profoundly moving. It delves into the complexities of the human heart while challenging our perceptions of a beloved genre. Fans of Anthony Horowitz and Lucy Foley will appreciate this wonderfully original and genre-defying debut from Ireland. The book pays tribute to the brilliant detective novels of the early twentieth century but with a modern twist that will keep readers on the edge of their seats.

A group of friends, each with their quirks and secrets, gathers at an Airbnb to celebrate New Year’s Eve. It’s Benjamin’s birthday, and his sister, Abigail, is hosting a Jazz Age Murder Mystery-themed party. As the night unfolds, they enjoy champagne, devour hors d’oeuvres, and form or strain relationships. Someone kisses the wrong person, and someone else’s heart breaks. The setting, a grand mansion with its mysteries, adds an extra layer of intrigue to the story.

By morning, everyone wakes up—except for Benjamin.

As Abigail struggles to come to terms with her brother’s death, an esteemed detective arrives, determined to find Benjamin’s killer. The mansion is now filled with a butler, gardener, and housekeeper, making everyone a suspect, and nothing is quite as it seems. The detective’s arrival not only adds a layer of suspense but also brings a sense of hope as the characters cling to the possibility of justice and closure.

Will the culprit be revealed? And how can Abigail, feeling lost and alone, begin to piece her life back together in the wake of this tragedy?

Gripping yet playful, sharp yet profoundly moving, *Fair Play* explores the depths of the human heart while subverting one of our most beloved genres. It’s a twisty murder mystery that’s both classic and contemporary, along with a poignant exploration of grief and loss.

Louise Hegarty‘s work has appeared in Banshee, The Tangerine, The Stinging Fly, and The Dublin Review. It has also been featured on BBC Radio 4’s Short Works. She was the inaugural winner of the Sunday Business Post/Penguin Ireland Short Story Prize. Her short story “Getting the Electric” has been optioned by Fíbín Media. Louise resides in Cork, Ireland.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org!

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The New Earth

Read: April 2023

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The New Earth

by Jess Row

The New Earth, by Jess Row, is a commanding investigation of our deep and impossible desire to undo the injustices we have both inflicted and been forced to endure. When I read books about dysfunctional families, I am reminded of how important family is to our health and how blessed I am not to be a member of a family like the one Jess Row has created. I highly recommend this book!

The Wilcoxes saga is a case study of the difficulties of modern relationships. The reunion at the wedding of their daughter Winter unfolds in a manner that keeps the reader engaged until the final words appear on the page. Lies, infidelity, and how these actions compound and create problems for the younger generation is a book well worth reading.

The Goodreads summary provides an overview,

For fifteen years, the Wilcoxes have been a family in name only. Though never the picture of happiness, they once seemed like a typical white Jewish clan from the Upper West Side. But in the early 2000s, two events ruptured the relationships between them. First, Naomi revealed to her children that her biological father was Black. In the aftermath, college-age daughter Bering left home to become a radical peace activist in Palestine’s West Bank, where an Israeli Army sniper killed her.

In 2018, Winter Wilcox is getting married, and her only demand is that her mother, father, and brother emerge from their self-imposed isolations and gather once more. After decades of neglecting personal and political wounds, each remaining family member must face their fractured history and decide if they can ever reconcile.

Assembling a vast chorus of voices and ideas from across the globe, Jess Row “explodes the saga from within–blows the roof off, so to speak, to let in politics, race, theory, and the narrative self-awareness that the form had seemed hell-bent on ignoring” (Jonathan Lethem).

The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.

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Sleep: A Novel

Read: May 2025

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Sleep: A Novel

by Honor Jones

“Sleep: A Novel” by Honor Jones captivates readers with its heartfelt narrative and deep insights into the human experience. This debut novel offers a genuine insight into the complex dynamics of motherhood and childhood, weaving together themes of love, secrets, and the vast array of possibilities that life can hold beyond silence.

Every parent exists in two families simultaneously: the one they were born into and the one they have created.

Ten-year-old Margaret, much like many of us, hides beneath a blackberry bush in her family’s lush backyard while her brother searches for her in a game of flashlight tag. Her childhood is filled with sunlit swimming pools, Saturday morning pancakes, and a devoted best friend. However, her family life requires careful navigation. Her mother can be as brittle and demanding as she is loving, while her father and brother embody familiar, if uncomfortable, models of masculinity. Then, late one summer, everything changes. After a series of confusing events, the simple joys of girlhood begin to fade away.

Twenty-five years later, Margaret hides under her parents’ bed, waiting for her young daughters to find her in a game of hide and seek. Newly divorced, she is learning to navigate her life as a co-parent while also discovering the pleasures of a new relationship. Yet part of her remains under the blackberry bush, frozen in time. As she strives to be a mother to her daughters and a daughter to her mother, she must confront the echoes and reflections of her past in light of her present. She grapples with what it means to keep a child safe and how much of our lives we experience in solitude.

Jones presents these emotional cycles with generosity and unflinching honesty, making the novel a compelling read that resonates on multiple levels.

Honor Jones, a senior editor at The Atlantic and formerly at The New York Times, brings her wealth of experience and insight to this novel. She lives in Brooklyn with her three children, a life experience that undoubtedly enriches her storytelling.

When you purchase a book through one of my links, I earn a small commission that helps support my passion for reading. This contribution allows me to buy even more books to share with you, creating an incredible cycle of discovering great reads together! Your support truly makes a difference!

Don’t miss out on this exciting opportunity! Enjoy a limited-time offer of 20% off your next book purchase at Bookshop.org! It’s the perfect chance to add this compelling novel to your collection.

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The Night Swim

Read: January 2022

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The Night Swim

by Megan Goldin

The Night Swim by Megan Goldin is a book that I thought would be different from the last two books – Sarah’s Key and Send for Me – that I had read. Both of those were directly or indirectly about the Holocaust. I often selected this book from the e-library based on reviews and reading the sample section.

The Night Swim was a page-turner, but it also was about numerous social issues that Jan ad I had spent our lives working to resolve.

Among these are male violence and its impact directly and indirectly on women. Rachel Krall, a podcaster, spoke about how male violence had impacted her. Two of the other female characters were either a victim or the sister of a victim. Having spent my life trying not to exhibit male violence, I was reminded while reading his novel of how painful it can be and the impact of micro-aggressions.

I knew that the author had done her research when I realized that. Ms. Goldin set the story in Neapolis, a fictional town on the outer banks of North Carolina. Neapolis, which in Latin means “New Town,” is also the old Roman name for the biblical city of Sheechem, where the rape of Dinah took place.

I missed the role of the Nightingale as it appears more as a background piece and not a primary role. Of course, this is a subtle reference by the author to Greek mythology and the rape of Philomela by her sisters’ husband. Her assailant cut out her tongue to prevent her from speaking of the crime. She was turned into a nightingale to escape. That is why female nightingales cannot sing. The one in the novel never sings and is rescued by Rachel at the end of the book.

Rachel narrates two sections of the novel, first with her on-the-ground work at the trial and second with her podcasts.

Hannah’s narrative is initially only in letters and then emails.

This format helped move the story along and make the story unfold in unique ways.

The following is a summary from Goodreads.

After the first season of her true-crime podcast became an overnight sensation and set an innocent man free, Rachel Krall is now a household name―and the last hope for thousands of people seeking justice. But she’s used to being recognized for her voice, not her face. Which makes it all the more unsettling when she finds a note on her car windshield, addressed to her, begging for help.

The small town of Neapolis is being torn apart by a devastating rape trial. The town’s golden boy, a swimmer, destined for Olympic greatness, has been accused of raping a high school student, the beloved granddaughter of the police chief. Under pressure to make Season Three a success, Rachel throws herself into interviewing and investigating―but the mysterious letters keep showing up in unexpected places. Someone is following her, and she won’t stop until Rachel finds out what happened to her sister twenty-five years ago. Officially, Jenny Stills tragically drowned, but the letters insist she was murdered―and when Rachel starts asking questions, nobody seems to want to answer. The past and present start to collide as Rachel uncovers startling connections between the two cases that will change the course of the trial and the lives of everyone involved.

Electrifying and propulsive, The Night Swim asks: What is the price of a reputation? Can a small town ever right the wrongs of its past? And what happened to Jenny?

I highly recommend this novel and look forward to reading more of Ms. Goldin’s work.

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The Hunter: A Novel

Read: March 2024

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The Hunter: A Novel

by Tana French

Today, I began reading “The Hunter: A Novel” by Tana French, often called the Queen of Irish crime fiction. The story takes place in a small village in the West of Ireland during a hot summer. Two men arrive, one returning home and the other seeking riches. However, one of them is also seeking death.

Cal Hooper is a retired Chicago police officer who moved to rural Ireland for a peaceful life. He has built a relationship with a local woman named Lena and has been mentoring Trey Reddy, a troubled teenager on a better path. But when Trey’s long-lost father returns, accompanied by an English millionaire and a plan to find gold in the townland, everything they have built is threatened. Cal and Lena are willing to do whatever it takes to protect Trey, but Trey is not interested in protection. What she wants is revenge.

This novel, written by the acclaimed author described by The New York Times as “in a class by herself,” tells a nuanced and atmospheric tale about what we are willing to do for our loved ones, what we will do for revenge, and what we may have to sacrifice when the two collide.

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