Being the Change I Need
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes, 16 seconds
I Am an Ordinary and Flawed Human
As individuals, we possess limitations and imperfections inherent to our nature. Pursuing perfection is unattainable, but it is essential to recognize our shortcomings, take responsibility for our mistakes, and continuously strive to improve ourselves. I have, at times, failed to offer words of sympathy to those who have experienced loss, missed the opportunity to attend Shiva calls, unintentionally overlooked the chance to wish my friends a happy birthday, and regrettably neglected to express gratitude for the unwavering support I have received from loved ones.
If I were to attempt to enumerate all of the misguided decisions and flawed actions that I have taken since my beloved wife passed away, the resulting catalog would stretch up to the highest point of the newly built New World Trade Center numerous times over. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to divulge the one misstep that stands out as among the most egregious and unpleasant.
In the previous year, I had the chance to meet someone very special to me. They brought me immense joy and happiness, and I treasured them deeply. After my wife’s passing, it was as if this person had breathed new life into me. However, something happened that made me question their love for me. Instead of responding with understanding and compassion, I reacted with anger. I know I cannot change what happened. I can take responsibility for my shortcomings and work towards making amends. Although I have not succeeded, I am committed to acknowledging my mistakes, offering sincere apologies, and taking steps to rectify my flawed actions.
Change is Not Easy, But is Necessary
We are all unique in our strengths and weaknesses. These flaws are a part of what makes us human. However, we can learn and grow to surpass our limitations and become the best versions of ourselves.
The loss of a loved one can be devastating, and it can be a struggle to find the motivation to continue living. As someone who has experienced this loss, I know firsthand how difficult it can be. But I have been working on myself daily, determined to evolve and become a better person.
My family, friends like Hugo, and fellow widows have supported me. They challenge me and provide honest feedback on my positive and negative progress. Only through honest reflection and constructive criticism can we truly transform ourselves.
If I have ever hurt anyone unintentionally, I want to make amends and grow. However, I know that I will always be a work in progress.
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After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
