When Richard Met Jan!
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes, 59 seconds
Cleaning Up
Once Mark exited, everyone else began to leave. Soon, only four of us were in the apartment, and the only two people were her roommate and another guy. They quickly walked down the hallway together to what I presumed was one of the bedrooms.
“I can help you clean up,” I said. I did not want to leave Jan.
“Thanks, it is nice of you to offer,” she said.
We gathered the glasses, plates, cans, bottles, and ashtrays and started bagging garbage and washing the glasses, dishes, and ashtrays. Each time we finished a task, we would hug and kiss. With each kiss, I knew there was no way I was ever leaving her. Not just this moment but forever.
Around 4:30, we took a break and sat together on the couch. Jan took a seat first, and I sat close but tight. She closed the distance and placed her head on my shoulder, and I lifted my left arm and put it over her shoulder.
We continued to talk, but when she did not respond to my comment, I realized she had fallen asleep, and I may have nodded. All I know for sure is that I was thrilled at that moment, sitting next to the woman I loved and knew I would marry one day.
It was so amazing; I kept pinching myself with my right hand to ensure this was not a dream that would end up in the dusty recesses of my mind.
If I did sleep, it was for a limited period. In my mind, I kept thinking of the lyrics from Old Friends by Simon and Garfunkel, and I modified them in my mind. Of course, I lost the rhyming, but the dream of our future together was genuine!
Old friends, old friends,
Sat on their couch like lovers,
Can you imagine us years from today,
Sharing a couch quietly
How terribly strange to be seventy
Sunrise Bagel Run
I could see the light filling the courtyard even with the blinds closed. Jan was still sleeping next to me and looked so relaxed and happy. I pinched myself one more time to make sure I was not dreaming.
Eventually, she yawned, turned her head slightly, and looked at me.
“Good morning,” I said.
Her smile radiated love and joy as she pulled herself to a sitting position. I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips.
“it’s so lovely waking up next to you,” I said.
Jan laughed and smiled at me.
She asked if I was hungry. I said a little. The food would be excellent, but I wanted to spend the day kissing her.
When we got to the kitchen, she opened the refrigerator and turned around with a frown. “There is no milk for my coffee!”
Immediately I told her I could go and get milk for her. She thanked me and tsked if I could get bagels and cream cheese.
As I walked on Broadway, my thoughts focused on a story Pastor John shared with me. The fresh, cool air was refreshing as I walked down the stairs. I was fully awake and was so very much in love.
It was something about people being born with a portion of another person’s soul. He said that very few people are lucky enough to find the person with the other half of their soul. Did Jan feel the same way? I was confident that I had met her.
“Next,” said the person behind the counter.
Startled, I purchased the bagels, cream cheese, and milk.
As I left the store, I looked to the left, and there was a bodega. I saw a basket with roses in the window, and I walked over and picked one out. Inside I noticed they also had greeting cards.
I looked at the first one with Snoopy typing in scrambled letters on top of his house. Inside, it said, “I know I like you!”
I then went to the Lotto shelf. I purchased the rose and the card. Opening the card, I signed my name. I kept looking at the message, which was not what I wanted to say.
In my mind were two competing voices. Don’t scare Jan or follow your heart.
I listened to both for a minute, then drew a line through like and wrote in love.
Either she feels the same, or she does not. But I need to be honest with her. As I entered the courtyard, I remembered the adage that honesty is always the best policy.
I knocked on the door, and the most beautiful woman in the universe answered.
“I wasn’t sure if you would come back,” Jan exclaimed. Then she said, “No one has ever given me a rose. Thank you!”
The words I thought of to respond to her were that she might have a problem getting me to leave but would never have a problem with me returning to her.
She got a glass as she did not have a vase for the rose. We placed it on the kitchen table. She turned to get her coffee, and I took the card from my jacket and put it on the table by her chair.
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
Beautifully written, my friend… thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Steve. I appreciate your friendship and your opinion. The words flow like an incoming tide at the beach. The memories of falling in love with Jan remind me how fortunate I was to be loved by her.
Other memories are bubbling inside of me, waiting for the words to fill the page. Writing about Jan, love, life, and grief helps me during this difficult time. Love never dies. I find this quote by Helen Keller one that helps me manage my grief.
“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”
Thanks so very much for reading this post.