Jan is Still in the ER!
Estimated reading time: 9 minutes, 17 seconds
Jan Lilien
Day Two Without a Bed!
I jumped out of bed at 5:30 on Wednesday; I was sure that my morning conversation with Jan would confirm that she was in a hospital bed and starting to get better. As soon as I was on the first floor, I texted her to see how she was doing and what room she was in.
Her message deflated my optimism.
“I’m in the same f-Ing spot as last night.”
I collapsed on the couch and called her.
“I love you,” was all I could say when she answered the phone.
“Me too.”
“I will call again and do everything I can to get you into a room.”
“I am thinking of self-discharging myself and coming home.”
As much as I would like to have her home, all I could think about was how sick she had been when she was home.
“Let me talk to Dr. Strair about that and where you are on the list.”
I tried to eat breakfast, but nothing tasted good.
I called Dr. Strair and left a message. I texted the following to him.
We are at 36 hours and counting. So much for being next on the list. This was her morning comment to me, “I’m in the same f-Ing spot as last night.” I spoke with her, and she is depressed and cannot take it anymore. She is considering self-discharge.
March 3, 2021, 7:28 am
I paced frantically around our house.
Dr. Strair responded to my text.
“The bed problem is because she needs a single room due to cancer and Covid. I am reaching out to patient advocacy.” March 3, 2021, 08:48 am
I was so exhausted that I could not even pace the apartment.
My phone rang at 9:30 and jolted me out of my depression.
“I just spoke to her,” Dr. Strair said, “and I also spoke to patient advocacy. The vice president for nursing will represent myself and Janice at the discharge meeting. Janice is one of 42 people awaiting a bed from the emergency room, and her needs are exceptional in that she has concurrent immunodeficiency. She would ideally be in a private room.”
“Thank you so very much.”
I wanted to call Jan but needed to get my thoughts together.
My phone rang again a little after 10:15. It was the nursing vice-president. I could not catch her name; she apologized and said she was with Jan and moved.
I tried to thank her, but all I could do was weep.
If they were moving her, I knew I could not call Jan. I started pacing again.
She sent me a text twenty minutes later.
“I am in a bed in ICU for 2 or 3 hours, then a real room!”
I felt relieved and texted my sons and Rabbi Jan’s update.
Later in the afternoon, I got this message.
“In the same room unit as before. They remember me. Window! I am sitting up. Going to get a bag of blood.”
March 3, 2021, 2:48 pm
After almost 48 years, I recently lost my wife, Jan Lilien. Like The Little Prince, Jan and I believed that “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.” This blog is a collection of my random thoughts on love, grief, life, and all things considered.
